Of Love and Hate
by missylynn99
Summary: She knew four things about her feelings for the green changeling.1. She hated him. 2. She loved him. 3. She loved to hate him. 4. She hated loving him. It was a vicious cycle that repeated itself with no clear end in sight. It shouldn't be possible, and with dry humor she admitted that is was a cruel paradox, one that could wreck havoc on any girl's heart.
1. Chapter 1

**To anyone who is waiting for an update on one of my stories: I'M SO SORRY! Life is really getting in the way of my writing, and this has been bouncing around in my head for what feels like ages, and has made it impossible for me to focus on anything else. I do not own Teen Titians (I really want to though) and probably never will. I plan to make a chaptered fic out of this sometime, maybe after I finish a few of my other stories. Enjoy and I love to hear what you think in the reviews!**

She was attempting to meditate after a long day, but her attempts were futile. Her troubled mind kept returning to one subject; Beast Boy.

Some days she truly hated him, hated him with every fiber of her being. He could do everything she ever wanted without a second thought. He could laugh, smile, and afford to wear his heart on his sleeve. Ironically enough, those were the exact same traits that had her irrevocably in love with him. His warmth shone, and even through her emotionless mask, she was still touched by it.

He'd been the first to extend an offer of friendship, and persistently tried to make her laugh, despite the fact he knew of the consequences in a distant corner of his consciousness. She was forced to reject him and shut him out time and time again, for his own good; for the greater good of humanity, least she destroy the word in a giggling fit of pleasure. Another reason to hate him, but yet another to love him.

Any sane person would have given up by know. Albert Einstein himself said that the very definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results. But, she had long since learned that Beast Boy was no where near sane.

Maybe that was apart of his appeal; someone so stupid and stubborn, that they would trade the world to see her smile. Literally. His goofy grin, bright green eyes, and cheerful disposition lured her in, with the promise of a paradise she could never truly inhabit. One filled with laughter and happiness, with no cares in the world, other than what would happen on their next mission.

One of these days, she hoped she would split into two. One that loved him, and another that hated him. It would make things a lot less complicated, and the mad desire almost drown her. She finally gave up all hope of doing any meditation, and settled on her bed, and decided she knew four things about her feelings for the green changeling.

1. She hated him.

2. She loved him.

3. She loved to hate him.

4. She hated loving him.

It was a vicious cycle that repeated itself with no clear end in sight. It shouldn't be possible, and with dry humor she admitted that is was a cruel paradox, one that could wreck havoc on any girl's heart. She should hate him, it was easier to hate him, but she loved him still. It was a love she despised herself for, but love it was. Just because it was carefully hidden in the darkest recesses of her mind, didn't mean it was any less real. After sinking into a restless sleep, a part of anger and a part of passion merged to be come something even more dangerous: obsession.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, lovely readers! I know I really should be doing my project for NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month) but I'm just really feeling like writing for one of my favorite couples, BBRae, since I was reading this BBRae story called Tower by I think her name is 'TheHiddenGirl', anyways, and her story didn't really have an ending, and has been on hiatus for over a year now, which put me in a bit of a bad mood. So, I'm writing in my own story to compensate. Anyways, Here's the next chapter. **

She was surprised when she was awoken by a loud pounding on the door. _'If that's Beastboy and Cyborg playing some idiotic game at whoever knows what time at night, wanting me to join or referee, someone is going to pay.' _She thought maliciously to herself.

"Hey Raven!" A familiar green changeling's voice called. "Breakfast is ready. It's time to rise and shine!"

"Huh?" She looked over at her clock. It was already eight o'clock in the morning, and she had slept in over two more hours than she usually got up. How strange. Brushing it off, she pushed her blanket aside and changed from her pajamas into her usual leotard and cloak.

After deeming she was ready enough for the day, she stepped outside her room to find Beastboy waiting for her.

"We're having breakfast outside, since it's so nice out." He rubbed the back of his head, and half smiled apologetically at her. Her heart felt like it skipped half a beat, and she was a little touched that he had bothered to find her and inform her of the change in routine, especially since she'd slept in. She quickly quashed the feeling, though. It would do her no good, and would only cause problems later throughout the day, seeing as she hadn't done her morning meditation yet.

"Alright." She deadpanned, and followed the green teen to wherever they were having their 'picnic' breakfast. Sure enough, in the small green area that the titans called their backyard, was a table set up, with Cyborg grilling breakfast sausages.

Looking for a coffee maker to use for a makeshift tea-maker, she discovered that a pitcher of tea had already been made. Beastboy must have seen her puzzled look, and answered her unspoken question, "I made it for you before we came out. I know how much you like your morning tea, and tea's pretty hard to make out here. " He grinned. "I made you some oatmeal with blueberries on top, too, if you want any. I even used real milk instead of soymilk." He attempted to persuade her into eating it.

She couldn't help but think '_How thoughtful of him.'_ Even if she wasn't much of a breakfast person. She hesitantly sat down where said pitcher of tea and bowl of oatmeal were placed, next to Starfire and Beastboy. She poured herself a glace, and cautiously took a sip, just incase this was some how a prank. Much to her surprise, it tasted decent. Not as good as how she made hers, but it could be a whole lot worse.

"How did you know how to make tea?" She asked in her shock.

Rae...ven," He added on, after he saw her slight glare. " I've seen you make your tea almost everyday for the entire time that I've known you. Even I'm intelligent enough to pick up on the basics of how it's done." He whinned a little.

She gave a curt nod, acknowledging what he said. With that, he pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. Her heart did that stupid little, skip-half-a-beat again when his knee accidentally brushed her outer thigh. Fending off a blush, she resumed sipping at her tea, until Robin spoke up. "Raven, you might want to eat. Today we're having a big training day, and we start at eleven, and we'll take a break at three. "

Sighing, she pulled the bowl towards her and nibbled at it. At least it wasn't tofu eggs or Cyborg's greasy bacon. Quietly, she pecked at it while listening to the breakfast conversation. Beastboy and Cyborg were razzing each other about who was going to beat who during practice, and Starfire was chattering to Robin about some upcoming Tamaran festival.

After finishing her breakfast, she got up as stealthily as she could, and proceeded to gather her dished. A green, gloved hand on her arm stopped her before she could leave the table.

"Hey Rae, why don't you stay out here and hang out with us for a while?" Beastboy pleaded.

Her entire body almost recoiled from the unexpected contact. It took the majority of her willpower not to jerk away from his touch, and her breath hitched in her throat. Gently brushing his hand away, she responded "I need to go meditate, since I overslept."

"Oh..." Beastboy trailed off. "I guess I'll see you at practice. Remember, it starts at elven!" He called to her as she walked away. She was in desperate need of a nice, long, uninterrupted meditation. Her emotions were dangerously bubbling beneath the surface, and she was having a harder time than usual suppressing them. Most of the time, not even Beastboy could get this kind of response from her. It was even becoming a slight difficulty to keep her voice in its usual monotone. If she couldn't get things better under control, it was going to be a long day.

She found her way to an uninhabited section of the tower, and sat down in lotus position to attempt to clear her mind. She wanted to be somewhere, where she wouldn't be bothered by the hustle and bustle of her teammates getting ready.

Much to her relief, she was able to clear her mind, and slip into a blissful trance.

Meanwhile, while she was meditating, her emotions were in a heated argument in Nevermore.

...

"Just have her admit it." Love complained to Knowledge, her sense of reasoning and guiding logic.

"I can't." The yellow cloaked doppelganger said for what felt like the millionth time. "She doesn't realize the extent of it. She pretends like it's a temporary thing; a crush, if you will."

"Ha!" Hate growled. "I knew it. There's no way she really loves that annoying, moronic imbecile."

"Hey!" Love objected. "We happen to like that imbecile, thank you very much."

"Yeah! And BB's just so funny and nice!" Happy giggled.

"I vote we redecorate like Beastboy's room." Rude cut in.

"Or better yet, just move in." An emotion that hadn't yet been named purred.

"No!" Hate growled. "We are not moving into that filth pit, nor are we redecorating like it." Her irises gleamed red, even if it was for half a moment. She had more difficulties getting really worked up now since Trigon had be defeated, and part of her essence had been stolen to create the still unnamed emotion.

"I'm scared." Timid flinched away, from the quarrelling emotions.

"I vote we forget all of this mushy stuff and go kick some butt at training." Brave called over the arguing bunch.

"Be quiet, Brave!" They collectively shouted, well, except for Timid. She was edging away, debating whether or not to make a break for it.

"If you said she thinks it's temporary, how can she admit to herself that she loves him?" Love demanded, daring all to answer. "If she thinks it's temporary, how am I standing here?" The purple emoticlone challenged again.

Knowledge sighed. "Look, like I said, she _knows _that she loves him, but she likes to lie to herself, and she's made it out to be to herself that it's just some silly crush. The only time she can admit it is when she's being honest with herself. I think part of her needs to think like that and lie, because she's scared of what happens next."

"I sure know I'm scared." Timid whimpered, but no one seemed to take notice.

"Well, I _know _this is only temporary. I have no clue what she currently sees in that green little brat, but I'm sure she won't see it for long. It's bad enough that we have to deal with Love over there, but now we have _her_ to deal with." Hate jerked her thumb towards the new emotion that was currently unnamed amongst them, seeing as the main Raven hadn't recognized her yet. She had a cloak of a burgundy color, and the edges of her cloak still had red and purple splotches from where parts of Love and Hate had melded.

"You think this just affects you, don't you?" Love was starting to get really riled up. "She's part me, too, and you don't see me complaining. We put up with your sorry excuse for an emotion, so I'm sure you can cope with her. "

"Enough!" Knowledge growled. "Why don't we get back to what we were originally talking about; how to get Raven to recognize the newbie here. If she doesn't get recognized and taken care of soon, she'll take over. Doesn't everyone remember the 'Wicked Scary' incident?"

A collective shudder passed through the group. "Why don't we get her to come to Nevermore, so we can talk with her?" Brave suggested, and the group broke into squabbles again. As they continued their argument, Raven in the real world was just finishing up her meditation.

...

She opened her eyes and checked the time. It was roughly ten thirty, leaving her about half hour to finish getting ready for training. Her emotions were considerably more in check, but her heart still did a summersault when she though of Beastboy's gesture of kindness this morning. With a sigh, she headed back to her room, to prepare for what was certainly going to be one of the most grueling practices ever.

* * *

**Yay! Done! Now, if only I could force my self to work on my NaNoWriMo project. Just in case you guys haven't guessed yet, the unnamed emotion is Obsession, but the reason why she isn't named in the Emoticlones' argument is because, like I said, Raven isn't really aware she exists at the moment, so she really doesn't have a name. I am a proud review-hog, and love hearing what you guys thing. It would mean the world to me if you guys would leave a review, even if it is one, tiny, little measly one, because reviews inspire me (and secretly boost my self esteem.)**


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